First - sorry for the long post, but I really wanted to share my story with this community and this is the first time I have shared it in full publicly so I didn’t want to edit/restrict/stifle myself and limit my expression in this one instance. I appreciate any/all support, even if you can’t read the whole thing :)
For years I had an Eating Disorder (ED) “Not Otherwise Specified” (meaning it doesn’t fit into a particular “type” like anorexia or bulimia, but involves a mixed bag of ED symptoms). I was VERY secretive about it. The disorder started in 2004 with significant restricting (i.e., eating no more than 500 calories over the course of the weekends and 250 each day during the week while I was in school) and using diet pills/etc. As with most EDs, this level of restriction becomes impossible to maintain and so I eventually started to binge and, to compensate, I would also purge and restrict again. And so the cycle continued. Over time, however, as I started to become “healthier” I did less of the restricting but still hated myself (my ED was essentially a form of self-harm) and so I still did a lot of the binging and purging with only occasional periods of more moderate, but still significant, restriction. I started to gain weight, my body and eating felt SO out of my control, and I become very sad (potentially a little depressed) and resigned regarding food, but I would also still try and comfort myself with food (especially popcorn!).
After a couple years of therapy and years of practicing meditation (I cannot emphasize ENOUGH how much this inner healing was ABSOLUTELY necessary in order to change), 1 year ago (this week!) I decided it had to stop and I was finally ready to take control back and not self-harm through food.
I learned more about “the math” first (calories in vs. calories out) and lost 35 lbs (because of the restricting and purging my weight slowly increased to about 145lbs, and I am a 5’3” female) and got in GREAT shape doing it AND I did it in a healthy, moderate way over months (none of the “you better make yourself lose 20lbs by the weekend thing). BUT I was doing it through a traditional diet and eventually was hungry all the time. I started to binge here and there again (but refused to let myself purge/restrict after) and couldn’t understand why! It wasn’t as hateful anymore… I was just STARVING!
Then i came across Keto and it has literally changed my life. This last year I have been healthy, but Keto has given me hope to ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN A FEELING OF SELF-LOVE AND SATISFACTION FROM FOOD. For the first time in my life I feel BOTH emotionally stable and a healthy attitude toward food AND I feel like I have a say in my body and how it looks and how I want to feel. I am now 113lbs (107lbs - my lowest weight - looked a bit too skinny and so I consciously chose to add a few pounds) and running an ultra marathon in the fall and am WAY stronger, have more energy, am doing even better in school and better than I have ever felt before. And it’s thanks to Keto.
But the biggest deal to me (as I sit here sobbing even writing this) was that I finally feel secure enough in myself and confident enough in my dietary needs/habits that I “came out” to my family about having an eating disorder these last couple of days. I admitted to my husband that I had been occasionally binging/purging still for the years leading up to the last couple AND I FINALLY told my parents about my eating disorder past on Monday night. They were hurt I hadn’t talked to them before (which I feel bad about… but that’s also part of how the disorder works) and so happy I have found inner peace. They are now SO supportive of Keto and what it means for me and my health.
Kept has allowed me to feel a sense of wellbeing, stability, and empowerment I never imagined for myself with food. All of that had to start from within FIRST! But Keto is allowing me to sustain it. And, for me, that’s the biggest victory I can imagine.
On a side note, I am a mental health professional and this ALSO has me wondering how much ED behaviour may actually be tied to insulin sensitivity. I have been doing a bit of a research review and as I work toward my PhD applications one thing I am considering is research on the effects of a low-carb/keto diet on ED recovery. If anyone knows of any research/studies (I’ll search the “science” tag too) please feel free to reach out/let me know.
Thank you to anyone who read even some of this - and thank you for this community and support. I really believe we are helping/healing each other through this diet in SO many ways beyond the physical.
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