My friends and I went to Disneyland this past weekend, where I decided to eat a Monte Cristo sandwich.
The Monte Cristo sandwich then led me to a half of a cake pop. Which led to the following day's Mickey waffle, which led to a corn dog at lunch, which led to a cupcake after dinner... you get the picture.
I'm now back home, and here's how I feel about all of that:
I'm not going to riddle myself with shame and guilt, because I think that quite a few of us who struggle with weight also struggle with self-compassion. I've had a lifetime of not feeling like I am "enough", and I'm not doing that anymore. What I am going to do is get right back up on that horse and redouble my efforts for living a healthy lifestyle and to not use food as a reward or a vacation.
I noticed that having these treats was like some kind of program that I had to execute (associated with memories or previous experiences at the park). I still ate them even though everything I used to enjoy was sweeter, and less pleasurable than the last time I was there - I felt slightly sick, to be honest.
This weekend made it even more clear to me that refined sugar is a drug that will not rule my life. I have a few events and trips coming up, and I have resolved to not "cheat". I can say with all certainty that I'm putting myself and my health first.
Ultimately, I would like to be able to live a life of balance and moderation, but if I can't do that and I go off the rails after having a damned sandwich, then it's clear to me what course of action I will take.
Anyway, thanks for letting me go on a little rant about it.
I took a photo of myself at Disneyland that first night (Saturday), and did a little side by side with another photo of me from last year. This new comparison photo is a reminder as to how far I've come in a month and a half, and to focus on the positive, instead of beating myself up for woulda/coulda/shoulda.
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